Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
