love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
