I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
