what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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