First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
