i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
