This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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