Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
