i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
