Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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