oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
