THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
