Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
