and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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