The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
