Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
