We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
