you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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