it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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