It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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