Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
