there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize