Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
