I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
