Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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