I murdered the dance floor call the cops
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
