Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize