And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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