piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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