I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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