The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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