Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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