I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
