i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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