There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
