So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
