You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
