I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
