Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
