Fine. I'll sleep in my office
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You took a bar mat shot.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
