I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
