My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
So apparently I’m into choking now
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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