her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
We were destined to go to rehab together
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
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