There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
