Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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