my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Sorry my hands just texted you
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
