There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
