are you still at the devil's house?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
