so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
