Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
