why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize