There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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