I wish i was in the wii world.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
