He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
