he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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