So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
