my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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