Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You are a booty call, not a friend.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
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