you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Well I just put wine in my tea
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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