You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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