the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
