There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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