You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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