His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
