I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
