She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Two words: nipple clamps
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