go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
