god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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