I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
