I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
