i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
