Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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