I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
