I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
