I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
