who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
