Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
