soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
