plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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