My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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