I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Just high enough for therapy.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
