im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
