dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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