Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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