i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
