I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
