hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
