He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
