there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
