Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize