You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
