the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
