You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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