K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
two words...techno handjob
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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