mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
