I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
