Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
