just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
