I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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