you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
