It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
