last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
