Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
