I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
