Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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