I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize