i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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